Whitewater Snorkling

I've been hesitant to chronicle recent events in my life because they are large enough that I feel challenged to do them justice. Also, there is so much that I haven't shared in this blog that is relevant, that I think I'll need to provide more background information than I have the bandwidth to supply at this time. It feels unjust to only post part of the story.

AND...

If I don't start, I'll never get it all down. Besides, who said a blog has to be linear?

I'm just going to plunge in and ask the Readers (whether gentle or rough) refrain from assuming they've got the whole picture until such time as I indicate that I've documented all of the pieces I can think of. Feel free to read as little as you like. I feel certain no one will find it as fascinating as I do.

Here are the highlights:

~ Major change in vocation
~ End of a five-year relationship
~ Moving to another state...
~ ...into my mom and stepdad's home (temporarily)
~ More education
~ Stepping down from the role of caretaker and allowing myself to be taken care of

And that doesn't begin to touch it.

The most important piece of contextual information I need to share is that I'm happy. The things that are happening are perfect. My life is unfolding in divine right order. I'm walking away from where I've been not only whole, but with more than I had when I arrived. Oh, and considerably less baggage. I'm living in the eye of a miracle.

New people. New places. Old places from a new perspective. Return to self. New self. Love on every front. The present confirms my sense of life as spiral. We revisit places we've been but from a different layer/perspective, never placing our feet in prior footprints. It's gorgeous.

Wolf and I are ending our partner relationship and becoming reacquainted as friends. The truth is that we have both grown tremendously over the past five years and are poised for our unique next flights. We can't make them as a couple. It's solo time.

I'm amazed to find out how easy it really is to let go of "in love". I think that the "in love" that exceeds chemistry is a decision. There are so many ways to channel the love and connection we feel with others. Wolf and I have worked hard; in fact, I think we can both be accurately accused of doing our level and consistent best. That's probably why we are not feeling broken in breaking up. He's still my best friend and I his. Will we always be best friends? I have no idea. What I do know is that he lives in my heart, solidly and with furniture. He's a confidante, a mentor, a foil, a touchstone, a soft place to fall, a laughing spot, a reality check, a hug, and he has a great butt (just ask him!). He loves me. I trust him. He's in my life for keeps.

AND

I'm ready to move on. My life is expanding rapidly and it's time! Nearly eleven years ago I moved to Massachusetts from Ohio to learn how to be a professional healer. I studied. I graduated. I fell. I lived another path, healing body, mind, and spirit and exercising my left brain corporate professional self. Having exhausted that particular line of development, I'm moving to Ohio from Massachusetts to learn how to facilitate healing in others.

I've never lived in the part of Ohio to which I'm moving. It's fertile and lush with green. There are still wild places and wild things. The earth is old and sings.

I have never been safe enough in my sense of entitlement--my right to exist--to allow the generosity of others to hold me before now. The paradox of the situation is that I feel the most empowered I've ever felt in my life.

So it is with joy that I embark. Joy suffuses everything, even the inevitable sadness and grief that accompany the changes listed above. I've got joy inside my tears.

~M

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